


if not in our hearts, where?

by littlekittenhui



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Why can't I write fluff, i'm so sorry y'all, it ends well i promise, shua has light self esteem issues too and self hatred but like VERY light, this is my quarantine brain, why do i only write angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23473165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlekittenhui/pseuds/littlekittenhui
Summary: jisoo knew he had a place in seventeen; he felt at home with them, at ease.the vocal team was a different story.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, idk if this will still be platonic or not lol let's see
Comments: 47
Kudos: 208





	1. freefall, but someone will be there to catch you

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! I'm back at it again with some depressing shit lmao I'm sorry ;-; please don't be upset I know I always do this but I can't help it
> 
> enjoy~

_________________________

Jisoo was used to being left out.

Wherever he went, Jisoo noticed that he was usually the odd man out. Now usually, that didn’t bother him too much; he was okay with being alone, and even if there were an odd number of people, everyone he was friends with still made it work to include him. This was also true with his bandmates; in 95 line, there were three of them. Yet, Jisoo didn’t really ever feel left out when he was with Seungcheol or Jeonghan. The three of them worked together, clicking almost instantly. He could always play jokes with Jeonghan and Seungcheol was always doting on him. It was nice, to be with them.

He couldn’t say the same for the vocal team.

Don’t get him wrong, he adored them all so much. Seokmin was always so sweet and innocent, following him around like a puppy, while Seungkwan was a jokester, but was always kind of his American-hyung. While Jihoon had been a bit harder to warm up to, Jisoo knew that he was just as caring and loving as the others; he just had a different way of showing it. And Jeonghan was his best friend in the whole entire world, so what could be the problem?

It was just that they forgot him. A lot.

It started off small; they would be going through vocal exercises and they would accidentally skip over him. Jisoo had always attributed it to the kids being too excited to sing, so he laughed it off. Then, it came to talking over him, which again, Jisoo was quick to excuse. He knew that Seokmin and Seungkwan in particular loved to talk, so he didn’t mind when they rambled on and on; he thought it was cute, even when they did cut him off. Jeonghan was always there to remind them that Jisoo wanted to speak anyways, so he never felt the need to say anything about it afterwards.

But progressively, it got worse and worse.

The first major incident was caught on camera, much to Jisoo’s embarrassment. They had been filming a broadcasting show where they were to create a song by units, and vocal team was casted with creating the song and the lyrics. In the midst of all the chaos, Jisoo had gotten lost as to what was going on, and had taken refuge on one of the couches, awaiting instructions. Meanwhile, the rest of the vocal unit had made their way into the recording room and had already begun working of the lyrics and melody. It took Seungcheol asking, “Wait, why is Shua out here?” for the boy to realize that he had been forgotten. While he had immediately flushed with embarrassment, he tried to play it off in the midst of all the member’s laughter, waltzing into the room with an incredulous expression, making the vocal team members gasp. They also played up their reaction for the camera, apologizing furiously while also giggling, Jisoo smiling tensely in the center of them. Amid all the fuss, Jeonghan grabbed Jisoo’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as a silent apology. Jisoo could only smile back at him, before quickly letting go of his hand and continuing on with the program. Even after the broadcast ended, Jisoo felt a bit embarrassed about what had happened, despite the others apologizing again for forgetting him. In the back of his mind, he knew he should bring up that it made him uncomfortable to be forgotten so easily; his uneasiness growing would only lead to more problems down the road. However, Jisoo didn’t want to make a big deal about it. He was sure they weren’t doing it on purpose, they were such sweet kids. He knew they all loved him just like he loved them, so why should he make a big deal about it? Wanting to play it cool, Jisoo decided to keep his mouth shut about the unsettling feeling in his stomach, and continued to let it go.

Now, Jisoo was realizing that that might’ve been a mistake.

He was currently sitting alone in the dorms, pondering what he should do with his sudden free time. He had finished his recording session early and Jihoon had told him to head back instead of waiting, since the entire vocal team had to go after him. It made sense, in his mind; there were four other people who still needed to record their parts, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to hang back and wait for them. While a part of him had wanted to stay, to be a part of whatever banter they had going on, he also was exhausted and wanted to rest; they had had a long week, and Jisoo would take any free time he could get. Yet, now that he was alone, he felt a bit restless. He wanted to be around the others. While Jisoo might seem shy on the outside, he was one of the more talkative members, thoroughly enjoying spending time with his members. Jisoo had begun to space out, wondering about what he should do by himself, when a knock came on the door.

Calling out, “it’s open!” Jisoo wasn’t surprised to see it was Seungcheol wandering in; their leader had a habit of making rounds of the rooms at night, just to check in on everyone. Jisoo secretly hoped that he was at the end of his rounds and wouldn’t mind keeping him company for a while, as he was bored. Seungcheol looked a bit confused to see Jisoo there, but smiled nonetheless.

“Hey Shua, what’s going on?” Seungcheol asked, taking a seat beside his friend who was laying down on his bed.

Jisoo gave him a slightly confused look before moaning, “I’m bored, Seungcheollie. Stay with me for a while?” He gave Seungcheol his best puppy eyes, knowing that the older boy wouldn’t refuse him either way. Jisoo was well aware of the soft spot Seungcheol had for him, and took pleasure in getting what he wanted with it.

At his request, Seungcheol rolled his eyes, but made himself comfortable on Jisoo’s bed, petting his hair slightly. Jisoo smiled, happy to have the company. His smile faded, however, when the leader asked, “Why didn’t you go out with Jeonghan and the others?”

What was he talking about, they were recording right now, Jisoo thought. Before he could voice his thoughts though, Seungcheol pulled out his phone and put the final nail in Jisoo’s coffin: pictures sent in their group chat of the vocal team, laughing and eating at a restaurant together. Jisoo felt his throat get scratchy as he looked at the photo. Tears stung at his eyes as he wondered how fast they had finished recording their parts so they could go out together, and why they didn’t think to invite him along. The more rational part of his brain tried to chime in, telling him that they had probably gotten hungry after they finished recording and just decided to go out to eat as a spur of the moment thing, and didn’t think to invite Jisoo since he was already home. However, the insecure side of him couldn’t help but feel like this was beginning to be on purpose; just how many times were they gonna exclude him? And to send a picture in their group chat, with no concern for him? Looking at the messages, his heart burned more as he saw that it was Jeonghan who sent the pictures. Jeonghan, who was aware of Jisoo’s feelings, at least to some extent, had sent the pictures, with no regard for his best friend.

Jisoo began to space out, mind spiraling with dark thoughts, all stemming from one: did the vocal team members just not like him?

He had always thought that they got along well. The five of them always hung out, since they were in a unit together and needed to work together often. Whether they were recording, or just going to schedules, the members were always together, and Jisoo liked that. He liked going places with the vocal team; they were energetic kids, and it made everything more fun. He not only had his best friend, but three cute dongsaengs who added to their mischief. Yet, now he was questioning whether their banter had been just for show. If they really didn’t like him, they wouldn’t be able to show it outright. Since they were always together, the others would have to conceal their feelings and try to make it work. Were those times where Seungkwan rolled his eyes at his hyung not as playful as he thought they were? Was Seokmin’s complaining real, and not just for show? Did Jihoon actually not want to be close with Jisoo, but did it because he knew he had to talk to him since he was their leader? And Jeonghan… was Jeonghan just going along with it since the majority didn’t like him? Or does his best friend hate him to?

As Jisoo’s mind reeled at his own thoughts, Seungcheol quickly realized the boy’s distress and tried to calm him down. He gently laid a hand on Jisoo’s shoulder, speaking softly, “Hey, Shua, I’m sure it’s nothing. They didn’t mean to leave you out, it was probably something they decided while they were walking home. You know how Jihoon gets, he’s always hungry and he’s good at persuading the kids to go along with him. They probably didn’t realize how it would look when they sent the photos either. I’m sure they’re not doing it on purpose.” Seungcheol began to rub Jisoo’s back as the younger took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Yet, he was unable to, his insecurities spilling out into the open.

“Jihoon told me to leave when I was done recording,” Jisoo said, voice cracking as he spoke, “What if he said that cause he didn’t want me to join them? I- I can’t help but think that, Cheollie. They- they keep doing this, they keep forgetting about me. I- I thought that it was all accidents, but now- now I don’t know. I can’t help but be hurt by it now. I don’t like this, Cheollie. I don’t like being forgotten, it hurts so bad-“ Jisoo was cut off by Seungcheol pulling him into a hug, pressing the foreign boy’s face into his hoodie. Buried in Seungcheol’s shoulder, Jisoo couldn’t help but let out a few sobs, tears spilling. He surrendered to the pain, his insecurities. It had been so long of him bottling it up and not telling anyone, that now it was all spilling over. Part of him felt bad that he was telling this to Seungcheol of all people; he was their leader and had so much on his plate already, and Jisoo was only adding to it. Yet, part of him felt relieved that it was Seungcheol. Their leader was the best listener and problem solver of the bunch, and he was also Jisoo’s other best friend. He knew that the elder would listen with no judgement, and with Jisoo’s best interests in mind.

Seungcheol stroked Jisoo’s hair as he said, “I’m sorry, Shua-yah. I know it must bother you, I would be upset too. I don’t know what those four are thinking, but this is really not okay. It wasn’t okay when they did that on broadcast, and it isn’t okay now,” Jisoo’s breath hitched as Seungcheol recalled the previous incident. Had Seungcheol noticed then that Jisoo had been hurt too? Yet the others hadn’t?

The leader continued, “It’s not fair to you that they’re doing this. But, I’m sure Jihoon would never do that purposefully. He wouldn’t send you home just so he can take the others out. Regardless, it still wasn’t okay to not ask you if you’d join them, and I’m sorry that they hurt you. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to help either. Do you want me to talk to them for you?” Jisoo only shook his head at his best friend’s question. He knew Seungcheol meant well and would definitely put an end to what was happening; yet, part of him didn’t want to make too big of a deal out of this. He didn’t want the others to feel like they were being accused of being cliquey in their own group and be scolded by their leader. Jisoo knew that that would only lead to more issues within themselves. Plus, he was an adult, and he could handle this on his own.

“It’s okay, Cheollie. I can do it, I’ll talk to them by myself.” Jisoo pulled away a bit to look into the elder’s eyes, which were filled with worry. He knew that nothing he did would soothe the leader; Seungcheol was a worrier, especially when it came to the members. If one of them so much as coughed too many times, Seungcheol was hovering around them, asking if they needed to go to a doctor. It was just how he was; he was so caring, so much a leader to them all. Jisoo was truly grateful to him.

Seungcheol smiled gently at him, “I know you can. But maybe it would be good for me to be there as well, you know. Just for moral support. I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to, but I think maybe it’ll be good to have someone else there in case the kids don’t really listen well. You know how they can be when they’re energized.” Jisoo chuckled wetly at that, knowing all too well how rowdy the kids could be, even when they were apologetic. Jisoo considered it for a moment, wondering if it would be best for his friend to be there. After a few moments, he finally settled on an answer.

“Okay, but I don’t want you glaring at them or anything. You can’t be on my side; you have to be a neutral party, or else you’ll scare them.” Jisoo said seriously. He didn’t want the others thinking he was trying to make them look bad or as if they were against their leader.

Seungcheol chuckled at that, teasing, “Ah, but it would be fun, wouldn’t it? I would definitely be able to get an apology out of them for you if I just scared them a bit. One harsh word from me and Seokmin would be on his knees apologizing.” Jisoo slapped the elder’s shoulder, although he wasn’t able to stop himself from giggling. While the idea was funny to think about, he also knew that that wouldn’t be a good situation for anyone.

Jisoo settled back against Seungcheol’s chest, quietly thinking about how this would go. First, he’d have to get them all to agree to talking with him, which could be an issue in itself. If they really didn’t like him, would they even want to hang out at his request? The American was unable to stop himself from quietly mumbling, “What if we find out that they just don’t like me, and that’s why they don’t include me?”

The arms around Jisoo’s waist tightened at his words, pulling him closer to his best friend. Seungcheol spoke seriously, “There’s no way that’s it, Shua-yah. How could anyone hate you? It’s impossible. They’re just idiots, there’s no way that’s it.” Jisoo closed his eyes, settling into Seungcheol’s warmth. Right, there’s no way that that was it. If Seungcheol was saying that he was wrong, then it had to be wrong. The vocal team didn’t hate him.

Right?


	2. nothing is black and white

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thirteen was a lot of members. It was a lot of members to keep track of, to look after. It wasn’t Jeonghan’s job, technically, to watch them all. Yet, he felt like it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello~ I'm back with another chapter, sorry it took me so long ;-; I had a hard time trying to find a way to write this fic without it being a repeat of another one of my fics and I lost a lot of motivation ;-; luckily, I got the idea to write this chapter in jeonghan's perspective, so it'll be an interesting contrast to see what he's thinking during this ^-^
> 
> enjoy~

__________________________________

Thirteen was a lot of members. It was a lot of members to keep track of, to look after. It wasn’t Jeonghan’s job, technically, to watch them all. Yet, he felt like it was.

After joining Seventeen, Jeonghan quickly fell into his role as their protector, someone they could rely on emotionally, whereas they looked to Seungcheol professionally. It warmed Jeonghan’s heart, in all honesty, to have all the members come to him for support; he was proud that he was trusted so much by the kids. He took pride in looking after them all, whether it was Seokmin who was insecure about his singing, Chan who was worried about his dancing, or Jun and Minghao who were homesick. Jeonghan began a routine of looking after all his members, including Jisoo.

Jisoo and he had come into Pledis at the same time, which had immediately forged their bond. The two were inseparable during their trainee days; they were long-lost brothers or soulmates. Jisoo’s presence to Jeonghan quickly became something he was accustomed to and relied on during their early days, as their training got harder and harder. He relied on Jisoo, and Jisoo relied on him.

At least, in the beginning.

Over time, Jeonghan was starting to feel Jisoo drift from him. At first, it was small things. Jisoo began to baby the other members too, which was fine; the kids were young, they needed all the affection they could get. Jisoo would cling to Jun or Seokmin instead of him, and Jeonghan watched on with a fond smile. He liked seeing the other bond with the younger members, knowing it was important for future dynamics in the group. Then slowly, Jisoo became closer and closer to Seungcheol. Again, Jeonghan had no hard feelings over this. Of course Jisoo was going to get close to Seungcheol as well, they were all the same age and were supposed o be friends. Even Jeonghan was making more effort to be friendly with Seungcheol, so he didn’t bat an eye when he was Jisoo hanging off of Seungcheol more often. Gradually, the trio became closer and closer, their chemistry working well.

It was when Jisoo started to follow Seungcheol around more than Jeonghan, did the older boy begin to worry.

Jeonghan knew he was being petty. It shouldn’t be a big deal if Jisoo wanted to spend more time with Seungcheol than him; they were all friends, so why did it matter? It wasn’t even like they were excluding him, the pair always asked for him as well. Yet, part of him couldn’t help but pout when he noticed how Jisoo would cuddle up with Seungcheol on the couch, the two just talking casually. While Jisoo and Jeonghan were always active, always chattering away and joking around, Jisoo and Seungcheol had a very different energy together; Jisoo was more relaxed, more calm with Seungcheol, who matched Jisoo’s aura. The pair talked gently with each other, lightly teasing each other along the way. In all honesty, it was quite sweet to watch. They were a good pair. But something about that, something about them being a pair, rubbed Jeonghan the wrong way.

He wanted to be the one paired with Jisoo, not Seungcheol. He wanted to be the person Jisoo came to when he was in a quieter mood as well; he wanted to have all parts of Jisoo, not just the ones that matched well with him. Jeonghan was aware of how horrible it sounded; it wasn’t like he didn’t want Seungcheol there, he loved his best friend to death. He just… felt protective of Jisoo. He was Jisoo’s friend first, and he wanted to remain as his number one, as petty and selfish as that was.

That’s why Jeonghan relished the time they got to spend together in vocal unit. It was a time where he could just be with his best friend, as well as their dongsaengs. Jeonghan was always grateful for being put in the same unit as Jisoo; it allowed for their friendship to grow and thrive. What he was not ready for, however, was how different the dynamic could be in the unit when compared to the group. In Seventeen, there were calmer and more quiet members, like Wonwoo or Vernon, who could balance out the team and energy. But with vocal unit, the only quiet member was Jihoon, who had to lead the others. Their energy was all over the place in the unit, which made for fun, but hectic rehearsals. The unit needed someone else to balance them out and to help Jihoon keep everyone on track and focused, or else their combined energy was going to stop them from getting anything done.

As the eldest in the unit, Jeonghan decided that it was his job to try and help the unit to be more organized and focused. He knew that while Jisoo was in no way shy, he wasn’t the most assertive member, especially when it came to the kids. Wanting to be helpful in any way he could, the angelic-like boy decided to step up. At first, it was just him gently easing the members to follow Jihoon’s orders or to keep their focus. Jeonghan could tell that Jihoon was grateful for the support; Jihoon had always felt guilty for being the ‘bad guy’ in these scenarios, so to share the burden made him feel better. It then evolved into him almost becoming the co-leader of the vocal unit, trying to be their voice of reason when Jihoon wasn’t able to wrangle them. Jeonghan decided that at least in the vocal unit, he had to be more serious during rehearsal time, if only to help progress further. While he still liked to have fun and joked around with the others, he knew that if someone didn’t help Jihoon, nothing would get done with how active their main vocals were.

That’s how he ended up mothering their younger members even more than he already had been. Jeonghan was the one who coaxed them into focusing, as well as the one who also kept them entertained so they didn’t lose complete focus of the task at hand. Although it could be incredibly draining, Jeonghan found it fun, as well as rewarding when he saw how much more relaxed Jihoon became now that he didn’t have to be as strict. It was working out for all of them this way, Jeonghan had thought. Jihoon was less stressed out and much more playful now, and the maknaes were having fun while also getting work done. Plus, Jeonghan was still able to be himself; he was still playful, but he was also being a good hyung. This is what was best for them.

Then why did it seem like Jisoo was getting farther and farther away from him?

While Jeonghan could admit that he wasn’t able to watch Jisoo as much when he was already monitoring the younger members, he still was mindful of his best friend and made sure to include him in any discussions they had or in any jokes. The two still sat together and joked around, but something felt different. Jisoo was… not as bright as he has been before. The older boy tried to wrack his brain for anything he could’ve done wrong or anything that his best friend might be upset over, to no avail. Thankfully, Jeonghan wasn’t the type to just worry by himself; he was always proactive and so, he decided to confront Jisoo one day.

“Is there something bothering you, Shua-yah?” Jeonghan asked casually in the van one day. The two eldest were seated next to each other, the maknaes asleep in the back and Jihoon sitting in the front seat, listening to music. While it might not have been the most ideal time to talk about Jisoo’s feelings, Jeonghan didn’t want to make it a big deal in case it wasn’t one and then make things awkward. He figured that if it was actually something important, Jisoo would redirect the conversation to a later time and they would be able to fix things.

Jisoo only smiled at his friend, “What do you mean, Jeonghan? I’m fine.” He said, looking at the blonde for a moment before deciding to pull out his phone and started playing a game. Jeonghan could only frown at the response he got, not liking how dismissive Jisoo had been to his concerns. While he knew that Jisoo wasn’t doing it to be hurtful, Jeonghan couldn’t help but feel a bit dejected. He was only trying to look out for his best friend, why was he brushing him off so easily?

The rest of the ride to the dorm was quiet, the talkative members asleep and the angel-devil duo politely ignoring each other. When they arrived at the dorms, Jeonghan was tempted to pull Jisoo aside again to make sure the other was okay, when Seungcheol walked into the living room.

“Hey Shua, you wanted to talk?” Their leader said, drawing Jeonghan’s attention. Had Jisoo been texting Seungcheol in the car? That’s why he was so quick to ignore Jeonghan?

Jisoo shot Seungcheol a quick smile, falling into the open arm Seungcheol had out for him, “Yeah, Cheollie, thanks. Wanna hang out in my room?” Jisoo made his way down the hall with the rapper, who just hummed and wrapped his arm tightly around the youngest member of 95 line. All Jeonghan could do was stare, dumbfounded by the situation at hand. What the hell just happened? Jisoo wasn’t comfortable talking to Jeonghan about his problems, but he had no issue opening up to Seungcheol? Sure, it could be more of a problem that Seungcheol would have expertise in dealing with, but shouldn’t Jisoo have told him something, especially since he had asked about it? A bitter feeling settled in Jeonghan’s stomach, hating how left out he felt.

__________________________________

Months had passed since the incident, and while Jisoo and Jeonghan’s relationship hasn’t worsened, there was a tiny rift in between them, at least from Jeonghan’s side. He had slowly felt that his best friend was drifting was from him, and the entire time he felt helpless to stop it. The two still joked around and hung out together, but Jeonghan was unable to rid himself of the bitter feeling that had settled itself into his gut months ago. During that time, Jeonghan had been balancing so many different things; their group schedules, as well as personal ones, that he felt like he was all over the place. He was being pulled in all different directions, and soon, Jeonghan fell like he was going to snap. He was already aware that he had made a few blunders, such as stuttering through live performances and embarrassing himself during varsity shows, but the worse one was during a particular broadcast where they were composing an advertisement.

Jeonghan had been so out of it, trying to get the kids to focus, that he just… forgot to get Jisoo. It had been a few minutes since they had been in the room trying to to get the song together, that Jisoo walked in, a mockingly-annoyed look on his face. The vocal team could only look at him in surprise at that moment, guilt eating away at them. Yet, Jeonghan felt the worst about the situation. He knew how Jisoo hated being left on the sidelines, and he knew that despite his playful manner, Jisoo had a fragile heart and something like this was definitely going to hurt him. He watched as the younger jokingly scolded them and as Seungkwan played along, apologizing profusely. Slowly, Jeonghan inched himself over towards his same-aged friend, slipping Jisoo’s hand into is and giving it a gentle squeeze as a silent apology. While Jisoo didn’t squeeze back, the younger gave him a gentle smile, though it did nothing to ease Jeonghan’s guilt.

The rest of the program went on with no hitches, thankfully, and the members were quickly transported back to their dorms. To Jeonghan’s dismay, Jisoo had taken a different van back home, getting there before him. Jeonghan had rushed into the dorm as soon as they arrived, wanting to speak to his best friend and properly apologize. He made his way to Jisoo’s room, only to notice the door was cracked open a bit, letting him peek into the room a bit. Jeonghan could feel his heart sink as he watched Jisoo cuddle up to Seungcheol, the pair talking in soft voices.

Jeonghan felt his eyes begin to sting and quickly recoiled away from the scene, making his way to his room instead. He felt hurt, seeing his best fiends like that. He knew that he mad made a mistake, but he wanted to fix it and talk to his best friend to apologize. The blonde singer knew he was being unreasonable; it wasn’t bad that Jisoo wanted to talk to Seungcheol about his feelings. It just hurt… that he didn’t want to talk to him about them. Jeonghan felt like he was coming in second place to Seungcheol in Jisoo’s heart, and the thought deeply wounded him. He was supposed to be Jisoo’s best friend, his other half. Yet, they barely spent time together alone anymore.

As Jeonghan became more aware of how their relationship was suffering, he began to cling to the younger members of the vocal unit even more, desperate for their attention. Jeonghan knew that he could have all their attention and affection easily as the eldest hyung. He was aware of the power he had over the unit, of the whole group even, and he was going to use it in his time of insecurity. The second eldest began to play more and more with Seokmin, who returned his energy tenfold. The two, plus Seungkwan, began to joke around a lot more, especially during practice, much to Jihoon’s exasperation. Despite that, the producer never seemed too upset by it; he even joined in on their antics once in a while. The younger boys were a good distraction for Jeonghan, helping to take his mind off his worries about his relationship with his best friend.

Jeonghan began to forget about his worries altogether, thoroughly enjoying spending his time with Seokmin and Seungkwan. The two main vocals were so cute, and so energetic, it made all his worries disappear. They would joke around more and more, and spend even more time together, it was a surprise to the others that they weren’t getting sick of each other. Jeonghan stopped worrying about his relationship with Jisoo the more time he spent with the others. The older boy was just having fun, spending time with his precious dongsaengs, that he didn’t even think twice before suggesting they go out to eat after their rehearsal. He didn’t think twice before snapping a picture of them and their food either. And he sure as hell didn’t think twice before sending the picture with a sweet caption in their group chat.

He sure as hell wasn’t thinking of Jisoo’s feelings, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, so we finally see the other side of the story  
> I wanted to add another person's perspective because no one in this story is the bad guy or the sole person to blame, they all contribute one way or another to the problem (except cheol he is PERFECT)  
> I just wanted you guys to see that jeonghan isn't a bad person with bad intentions, he's also having his own insecurities to deal with, so please don't be too mad at him ;-;  
> anyways, I now don't know how long this fic will be cause this wasn't what I originally had planned to do so we'll see how this goes lol please be patient with me ;-;  
> leave a comment for me, they really motivate me to write more ^-^
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui


	3. being a trio means three viewpoints

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being the eldest of thirteen can be quite difficult, as Seungcheol quickly learned. It didn’t help that your only same-aged friends were twin devils, reincarnated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! I'm so so so sorry this update took forever, life has been kind of hectic and I haven't had the time/motivation to write a lot these days ;-; I'm going through some stressful stuff right now (fuck my job) so I wanted to take the time to write something to take my mind off of it lol 
> 
> enjoy~

_________________________________________

Being the eldest of thirteen can be quite difficult, as Seungcheol quickly learned. It didn’t help that your only same-aged friends were twin devils, reincarnated.

When Seungcheol had first met the duo (he honestly couldn’t remember who he met first, the two of them sort of _spawned_ together in the practice room one day), he had thought they were quiet and sweet kids. They had clung to each other from day one, which he thought was cute. When he found out that they were all the same age, it made him wonder if he’d be able to get as close to them as they were to each other. Part of Seungcheol was worried, watching them from afar and not knowing if he’d be able to join in on their conversations. His insecurities only grew when his other same-aged friend left Pledis shortly before their debut; what if they didn’t want to be close with him? What if they weren’t interested in him? Yeah, they had talked before, but it wasn’t like they were particularly close to him. What if they didn’t want to be?

What if they would leave him too?

Luckily, Seungcheol didn’t have to wonder very long when one afternoon, Seungcheol walked into the practice room and noticed Joshua practicing his dancing in front of the mirror, a frustrated look on his face. As Seungcheol observed him curiously, he was able to see Jisoo become more and more irritated as he practiced, obviously not able to master the dance he was working on. Being the senior trainee, Seungcheol decided to take it upon himself and assist the younger boy, knowing how difficult it was for him when he first joined the company and didn’t know how to move his body the way he wanted to.

“You have to move your arms back before you step forward, or else you’ll get confused,” Seungcheol said kindly, snapping Jisoo out of his trance. The shorter boy looked at him startled, not having expected Seungcheol to say anything to him. The lack of response did nothing to deter the older boy, who continued, “You’re moving a beat too early as well. If you relax a bit more, you’ll be able to do it. It’s cause you’re so stiff that you keep making mistakes.” Seungcheol walked up closer to the American boy, smiling gently at him before showing him how the steps should look.

All Jisoo could do was stare, slightly awestruck that Seungcheol was taking the time to teach him. Seungcheol could understand; he had heard rumors about himself, that the senior trainee wasn’t very welcoming or nice to new trainees. He cringed remembering how he used to act, even to the really young trainees. His meeting with Vernon in particular, he had been quite harsh with the younger when they had first met. That was all it took to scare others into not interacting with the older boy; if he wasn’t nice to the kids, why would he be nice to Jisoo or Jeonghan, who was the same age? in all honesty, Seungcheol didn’t have a good excuse for his previous behavior; he had just been a hormonal teen who took his anger out on anyone around him until he learned how to process it properly.

After Seungcheol did the move, he looked at Jisoo expectantly, which caused the other to stop staring at him, a light blush forming on his cheeks.

‘Cute.’ Seungcheol thought to himself.

Jisoo coughed, do the routine slowly, looking at Seungcheol for approval. Noticing he was still making small mistakes, Seungcheol decided it would be easier to guide the younger through the movements. He slowly walked behind the shorter boy, telling him, “I’m just gonna move you into place so you can see what you’re supposed to be doing, okay?” He looked at the American boy for approval, only to realize that Jisoo probably had no idea what he was saying. Seungcheol always forgot that just because Jisoo was Korean-American, didn’t mean that he was completely fluent like a Korean person. He cursed inwardly, not knowing how to convey what he wanted to do. He didn’t want to make Jisoo uncomfortable, but he didn’t know how else to help if watching him dance wasn’t enough.

“Fuck it.” Seungcheol said under his breath. If Jisoo had a problem with it, he could always apologize later and get Vernon to translate for him. Seungcheol scooted closer to Jisoo’s back, gently put his hands on Jisoo’s biceps and moving his arms for him. The American boy let out a slight squeak, clearly surprised by what was going on, staring at Seungcheol’s reflection in the mirror with wide eyes. Seungcheol only gave him an apologetic smile, before continuing to guide his arms. It was only then that Jisoo realized what the elder boy was trying to do. Slowly, he began to relax, letting Seungcheol guide his limbs into place correctly.

The pair remained like that for a while; Seungcheol lightly pushing Jisoo into place and Jisoo following along and nodding whenever the elder boy spoke. After a few hours of working on the choreography, the two collapsed onto the floor, exhausted. By the end of their practice, Jisoo had improved significantly, to the point that they were able to run the entire choreo and only needed to make minor tweaks. The younger boy looked at Seungcheol, who was currently staring at the ceiling and trying to catch his breath, and softly said, “Thank you, for helping me so much today. I improved a lot thanks to you.”

Seungcheol just looked over at him, taking in his gentle smile and bright eyes and smiled back, before saying, “No, you were already good. I just helped a bit. Don’t worry about it.” Jisoo shook his head before seeming to contemplate things in his head. Finally he spoke, albeit hesitantly.

“You’re… a lot different than I thought you were going to be.” Jisoo said softly, gauging Seungcheol’s reaction to his words. The Korean boy could only smile awkwardly, wondering if he had made Jisoo uncomfortable with how much time they had just spent together. The younger boy continued however, “You’re a lot nicer. I’m glad I got to know.” He smiled brightly at Seungcheol, causing him to smile as well. It was nice, to have someone his age to talk to again. While he did have Jihoon to talk to whenever, it was a little different considering he was older than the producer.

Seungcheol cleared his throat, bringing Jisoo’s attention back to his face, before sitting up and asking, “Do you wanna… hang out after this? We can go grab food at the convenience store around the corner or something…” He was surprised by how shy he felt asking. It wasn’t like he didn’t think Jisoo liked him anymore, it was just that it had been a while since he had had a same age friend to hang out with in the company. He wanted to get close to both Jisoo and Jeonghan, considering that they might be put into the same group. As the eldest of the trio, Seungcheol hoped that by putting himself out there a bit, the other two would respond well to him.

Luckily, Seungcheol’s prayers were answered in the form of Jisoo, who giggled, “Sure! You’re paying though.” He teased, getting to his feet and gathering his stuff. Seungcheol just beamed back, excited to get to learn more about the American boy, before whining back.

“But I taught you today! You should treat me for my services!” Jisoo just laughed more at that, making Seungcheol laugh along. In the time that Jisoo had joined the company, he wasn’t sure he had ever heard the younger boy laugh. It was cute; it sounded like wind chimes on a breezy day.

The cheeky boy just replied, “You should reward me for all my hard work.” Seungcheol only stuck his tongue out in response, grumbling about how Jisoo wasn’t as nice as he looked, before pulling his new friend out of the practice room and out of the building. The two chatted all afternoon, Jisoo telling the older boy about is life in America and Seungcheol answering any questions the new trainee could have about life in Korea. By the time they returned to the dorms, the two were smiling happily, already close.

As they approached the door, Seungcheol looked at Jisoo, speaking softly, “I hope the two of us can get closer from now on. Jeonghan too, I want us all to be friends.

Jisoo stared at him for a few seconds, before blinking cutely and smiling up at the taller boy, “Of course we’ll be friends. You and I are already friends, so it’ll be fine!” He laughed lightly as he pulled Seungcheol through the front door, announcing that they were back. The older boy just smiled, completely enamored with his new friend.

‘Maybe things will be alright.’ He thought to himself.

_________________________________________

And things were alright. Between him and Jisoo at least.

Throughout the years, the 95 line trio had gotten significantly closer than they had previously been, much to Seungcheol’s relief. He had quickly been befriended by Jeonghan when the other boy realized that Jisoo had already done so, which led to their silly friendship. It was quickly after befriending both boys that Seungcheol was able to realize how similar they are to each other and realized that that similarity was going to be his downfall. The two seemed incredibly sweet on the outside; they were little angels to their fans and even to the younger members. For a while, it was only Seungcheol who knew they were troublemakers, much to his dismay. The duo relentlessly teased him, which was jarring for the rapper; he was used to everyone being intimidated by him, so to have these two dancing circles around him was quite a different experience. However, Seungcheol couldn’t say that he disliked it. It was honestly kind of refreshing to have those two around to joke around and play with, so he couldn’t complain or scold them much.

With Jeonghan, Seungcheol had a more playful relationship. The ‘angel’ was quick to joke around and tease the elder boy, trying to prank him and play instead of working. When he was with the shorter boy, Seungcheol felt like a kid again; Jeonghan had a youthful energy to him, despite how lazy he was. Yet, he wasn’t childish. He took care of the other members well, looking after them and making sure that he could fill in any gaps that may exist from not being around their families anymore. Whereas the kids came to him when they needed musical support, they went to Jeonghan when they needed emotional support. While this made him jealous int he beginning, Seungcheol grew to appreciate Jeonghan’s role in the group, as it gave him breathing room and almost a partner in leading them. He was grateful to have someone like Jeonghan by his side to help him in areas he lacked, so they could be an even better group.

And when it came to Jisoo, well, Seungcheol had always been a bit protective of him. Ever since he had befriended the younger boy and had heard him speak of his home in the U.S., the elder boy had felt a need to look after him. Jisoo was so far away from everything he knew and was trying his best to take on everything on his own; it was as admirable as it was heartbreaking. Since then, Seungcheol had vowed to himself that he would do whatever he could to help Jisoo be more comfortable in Korea and to make him feel safe. In some aspects, the pair had a similar relationship to his one with Jeonghan. Jisoo would tease the older boy as well, always giggling at him and telling him outrageous things with a straight face. Yet, he was a lot softer and more mellow than Jeonghan in some ways; he had a softness to him that always made Seungcheol melt. The pair would often times just hang out in silence, just softly humming as they invaded each other’s spaces. When they did speak, it was always in shushed voices, as if they didn’t want to disturb the fragile atmosphere they had created. They could talk about anything and everything, and it was nice. The more Seungcheol learned about Jisoo, the more protective he felt about the younger. Jisoo had a fragile heart and was insecure about his personality in some aspects, and it hurt Seungcheol to think about, especially when it came to his relationship to the members. Seungcheol was always quick to reassure him whenever those issues arose, but he knew that he could only do so much when the problems with the vocal team arose. While he had wanted to go and confront the vocal team members about their inappropriate behavior, Seungcheol also didn’t want to overstep Jisoo’s boundaries. The last thing he would want to do would be to hurt Jisoo even more by not respecting his wishes. Even if it hurt him t see Jisoo’s heartbroken face after being left out or forgotten again by his own members, Seungcheol told himself that unless Jisoo wanted him to, he couldn’t interfere.

“Hey,” Seungcheol said the minute the door opened, “We need to talk.”

So why then, was he standing in front of Jeonghan’s door?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaa we got a cheollie chapter!! I wonder if you guys were expecting that hehe I thought it wouldn't be fair to only have perspectives from jihan so I added cheollie in for some ~flavor~  
> I'm still unsure if I'm going to make a romantic angle, I don't know if it fits in anywhere in my thought process but I'm leaving it as an option as of now so we'll see  
> I hope you guys can follow my thought process with this fic, I feel like I'm all over the place so I hope Im not confusing anyone ;-;  
> also for anyone who might think I made cheollie into a bad guy predebut, they've actually talked about how cheol was intimidating before debut (channie was scared of him!!) and even cheol himself has said that he wasn't nice so please don't think I was purposefully making him a bad person!! I love cheollie with my whole heart  
> anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!! we'll see what's in tune for this trio soon hopefully hehe  
> please leave any comments down below, they give me more motivation to write ^-^ I was actually gonna scrap this whole story after I posted the first chapter but then someone left a comment about how they liked it so I couldn't bare to drop it, and now I like this fic a lot ^-^ 
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui


	4. everything falls apart eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He told Seungcheol to leave it alone, that he could handle it himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, I'm back with another update~ I know it's been a while, but I've been contemplating where I wanted to take this fic in the next few chapters, and this is where I've decided to go! it's going to get angsty, so prepare yourselves!!
> 
> enjoy~

___________________________________________

He told Seungcheol to leave it alone, that he could handle it himself. He didn’t want anyone else to get involved in his issues with Jeonghan and the rest of the vocal unit. Jisoo wasn’t weak; he could take care of himself, and handle his problems in his own way.

So, why was he shaking as he heard Jeonghan and the others enter their dorm?

Jisoo knew that he should just address it as soon as possible, as to not make things awkward between them all. He knew that the longer he let these feelings fester, the worse the problem would become, and eventually, he would blow up on Jeonghan, or worse the kids. The last thing Jisoo wanted to do was accidentally hurt the others when he was in an emotional state, especially the younger members. The kids were incredibly sweet; he knew the three younger boys adored them all, especially Jihoon, so he knew that if he didn’t say what he felt in a calm manner, it would make Jihoon feel terrible. Jisoo desperately wanted to just get this talk over with, to go back to how they used to be and to move on. He didn’t like these feelings and the weird tension he felt being around his unit. He just wanted to get rid of these emotions in any way he could, and talking to Jeonghan felt like the best way to do that.

Yet, Jisoo was scared. He was scared of making an even bigger mess, of not wording himself right and upsetting the others, of upsetting Jeonghan. He didn’t want to hurt the kids, yes, but he also really didn’t want to hurt Jeonghan. Although he knew Jeonghan could take it, he also knew that Jeonghan would hold onto the guilt for much longer than he should, which worried the American boy. Jeonghan was one of his best friends; he knew everything about him, and he knew that despite the older boys relaxed demeanor, he took everything that involved the members very seriously and very personally. Despite their relationship being a bit strained recently, Jisoo wouldn’t forgive himself if he hurt Jeonghan either.

The American boy tried to give himself a pep talk in order to get himself mentally prepared to talk to Jeonghan about his feelings, not wanting to back down if Jeonghan questioned him. Jisoo knew that he had to be forward and firm, but also not come off as too emotional. He wanted to be mature about this, but also let the others know that he was hurt by their actions and wanted to be treated with he respect he deserves. As he was trying to hype himself up, Jisoo didn’t notice what was going on in the room a few doors down from him.

___________________________________________

“What is it, Cheol?” Jeonghan asked, letting their leader into his room. He was curious as to what the elder wanted with him so late at night; he was shocked the other was even awake right now. The vocal unit had gone out for a late night meal at Jihoon’s request, and had only arrived home a few moments ago. He expected the leader to lightly scold them for being out so late, but not to show up at his door when the elder didn’t even live on this floor of their dorm.

Seungcheol let out a light sigh, not knowing how to start this conversation, especially when it didn’t pertain to him. He knew that he shouldn’t even be doing this right now, but he also couldn’t let the heartbroken look on Jisoo’s face continue to be there anymore. He had to do this, as the leader as as Jisoo’s friend. Seungcheol turned towards Jeonghan, asking, “You guys went out tonight, right? As a unit?” Jeonghan looked at him, puzzled.

“Um, yeah? I sent a picture, didn’t I? Isn’t that what this is about?” Jeonghan asked, confused. Why was Seungcheol asking him something he obviously knew the answer to? He knew that the older boy had seen the photo, all the members had.

“This is about Shua-yah,” Seungcheol said, getting Jeonghan’s attention immediately, “You guys didn’t invite him out tonight. He was here, alone, while his team was eating together. Don’t you think that would make him feel bad?” Seungcheol tried to keep his tone from sounding too accusatory, but judging by the look on Jeonghan’s face, he wasn’t succeeding.

Jeonghan defensively responded, “It’s not like we meant to leave him out! He left early, for your information. It would’ve been stupid to call him back just to eat. It was already late, there was no reason for it. Plus, it’s not like we planned it, Jihoon just saw the restaurant and wanted to go, so we all went. It didn’t mean anything.” The angel gave his friend a scalding look, irritated by the way Seungcheol thought he knew everything that had happened. It wasn’t like Jeonghan would ever purposefully let them leave Jisoo out! He knew that it hurt Jisoo’s feelings, and while yes he could’ve been a bit more careful with posting a photo without him in their group chat, he also didn’t see why Seungcheol was talking to him about it. How did he even know that this was an issue?

That question was quickly answered by Seungcheol’s reply, “It might not mean anything to you, but Shua was really bothered by it! You guys always forget about him and it’s not okay. We’re one team, first of all, and you guys are one unit. You can’t just leave him out and exclude him from group activities. It’s unfair and unkind, especially when you post about it! It’s like you’re showing off that you’re enjoying spending time together without him, and that’s not okay with me. You need to be more considerate of his feelings, Jeonghan-ah.” The finality in his voice rung in Jeonghan’s head, annoyance bubbling up within him. So all this time, while Jeonghan was worrying about Jisoo and his feelings, about their friendship and their unit, Jisoo was telling all his worries and concerns to Seungcheol, leaving him completely out of the loop? When he was supposed to be his best friend, his confidant, his unit member?

Unable to control his anger, Jeonghan lashed out, “It’s none of your business, Cheol. What goes on between the vocal unit is between us, and that’s it. You’re not involved, you weren’t there, you don’t know anything, so don’t shove your nose where it doesn’t belong.” The coldness in his tone shocked the both of them; however, the shock only wore down into irritation for the older boy, not understanding the sudden hostility towards him.

“Why are you getting mad at me? Just so you know, it does concern me; I’m the leader of this group, so if anyone is having problems, even if we’re not in the same unit, it concerns me. We’re a team for god-sake, Jeonghan,if anyone is having problems we all should be concerned! And I know a lot more than you think I do,” Seungcheol sneered, making Jeonghan stiffen with anger, “Shua is one of my best friends, he talks to me about his feelings. He told he that he was hurt by not only this time you guys forgot him, but by all the other times. You guys are making this a habit and it’s not okay, your relationship could get really strained if this keeps going! I don’t like seeing Shua-yah hurt, so I need you to get your act together and stop acting like he isn’t a part of this team!” Seungcheol shouted, stunning Jeonghan for a moment, before retaliating.

“You act like I don’t care about him too! None of us meant to leave him out, what are you accusing us of? Of me of doing? You’re not the only one who’s concerned about him, Seungcheol. I spend most of my time with him, I thinkI know him a little bit better than you.” Jeonghan didn’t know why he was saying these things, he didn’t want to hurt his friend. He and Seungcheol were friends too, he didn’t want to see the other hurt by his words ether, so why was he saying things he knew would get a rise out of the older?

Seungcheol bristled at the words, spitting out, “What are you trying to prove right now? What is wrong with you right now, Jeonghan? I’m not trying to fight with you, I just want you to act better to Shua and to apologize! He’s my best friend too and he’s been telling me how upset he’s been about what you guys have been doing so I want you guys to cut it out!” Seungcheol was so confused and annoyed by the way Jeonghan was acting. He thought the other boy would immediately want to go fix things with their friend, not go arguing about who knew the American better! Why was Jeonghan so upset anyways?

“Why are you getting in the way?” Jeonghan said, seething at this point. The words made Seungcheol freeze, not knowing where this was going anymore.

He looked at his friend carefully, not knowing if what he would say would set him off, “What do you mean? Get in the way of what?” He asked.

“You,” Jeonghan said, suddenly getting in Seungcheol’s face, much to the elder boy’s surprise, “Are getting in the way of me and Shua. What the hell are you doing, talking to him about me? Stop trying to get in our way, stop trying to make your way into his list, Seungcheol. You’re not going to be his best friend, Shua didn’t even like you when he first came in, do you really think-“ Suddenly Jeonghan was dragged away from his position right in front of Seungcheol, and was pulled into someone else’s grasp. Before he knew what was happening, he felt a stinging pain on his left cheek, not realizing what had happened until he looked up. This vision in front of him was only something Jeonghan could’ve prayed to never see.

In front of him stood Jisoo, hand frozen in the air from where he had reached out and slapped Jeonghan, with tears in his eyes and a disappointed look on his face. His mouth was turned into an angry frown, all traces of the sweet and gentle expression that Jeonghan loved, gone. It was at that moment that Jeonghan realized what he had just said, what he had just done. He had just done the most hurtful thing he could, to the person who was one of his best friends, and in turn, not only had he hurt said boy, but his other best friend as well. Before Jeonghan could say a word, Jisoo cut in.

“I cannot _believe_ you right now. What the _fuck_ are you doing, Jeonghan!” Jisoo demanded, voice shaking with anger. Jeonghan couldn’t even open his mouth to respond before the other continued, “What in god’s name gives you the right to say that kind of shit to Cheollie? _Getting in the way?_ Saying that I don’t like him? What the fuck are you _doing_ right now, Yoon Jeonghan? Have you lost your goddamn mind? How could you even say that to your own friend? Are you really that heartless?” Jisoo glared at the elder, angry tears falling from his eyes. Jeonghan was sure that the sight of tears would usually make his heart ache, but the onslaught of words left Jeonghan numb. _What was he doing right now?_ What was he thinking? The angel turned around to look at Seungcheol, who seemed to be watching the scene with a heartbroken, confused look on his face. He looked like a kicked puppy, and the thought that it was him who did that to their leader made Jeonghan curse himself.

Jeonghan weakly tried to speak, “Shua, it- it’s not like that, I didn’t mean-“ Before the older boy could finish his sentence, Jisoo cut him off again, not accepting any excused the other could offer.

“I don’t care what you meant! You said what you said and it’s _wrong_ , so incredibly wrong! I don’t understand what’s up with you lately, Jeonghan, but you better work it out soon, because we’re not gonna last if you’re like this. Cool off and think about what just came out of your mouth. We’re leaving.” And with that, Jisoo took Seungcheol’s arm and began to lead him out of the room, much to Jeonghan’s panic. He couldn’t let them leave like this, he needed to fix this, he needed to apologize, he needed to-

“Oh, and by the way,” Jisoo said blankly, turning around and giving Jeonghan one more scathing look, “Seungcheol is my best friend. He doesn’t need to get on any list, or try to get in between anyone. He’s my best friend and has always been there for me, so get that straight. _You_ on the other hand will leave me out to dry whenever it suits you, huh?” Jeonghan’s eyes widened at the statement, not even thinking about responding before Jisoo dragged their leader out of the room, slamming the door behind them.

As Jeonghan was finally left alone with his thoughts, he began to criticize everything he had said, everything about himself. What was he thinking, attacking Seungcheol like that? Why would he even say something like that to him? Why would he even assume that Seungcheol was the problem, when it was obviously him? Now, not only had he hurt Seungcheol, but he had hurt Jisoo too. Not only had he lost Seungcheol, but he lost Jisoo as well. Seungcheol thought he didn’t care about him, that he was blaming him for his strained relationship with Jisoo, and he was going to lost him. Jisoo thought he was a terrible person, a terrible friend, and he was about to lose the person who made him feel like he was home.

Jeonghan could do nothing but stare blankly at the door, watching as everything he had worked for, everything he had loved and cherished for the last five years, go down the drain within a matter of minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know who I feel worse for in this chapter honestly, they're all so upset about different things and it's so messy aaaaa  
> I know it might be easy to blame jeonghan for everything but please try to understand where he's coming from!! he has insecurities about his relationship with shua and adding cheol into the mix is making it worse, even though he knows it's not cheollie's fault  
> I think this fic is going to be about 3 more chapters, so be prepared for that!! you might wanna prepare the tissues lmao I have a habit of making my readers cry  
> please let me know what you guys think down below!! your comments are what motivate me to write every time I get the chance ^-^
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui


	5. they grow up so fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan didn’t like being alone, in any capacity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! I'm back after a little break, I'm so sorry this chapter took longer than expected; I had no motivation, plus there's been some issues going on in my household so I didn't even know when I'd feel comfortable writing because of all of it  
> thankfully, everything seems to have calmed down for the time being so hopefully I'll be able to write on a more scheduled basis since I won't have that stress, that being if I can be creative enough to write lol rip
> 
> anyways, here's the awaited new chapter, enjoy~

_________________________________________________

Jeonghan didn’t like being alone, in any capacity. He was the type who enjoyed spending any of his free time with other people, specifically his members. He was the first to join the others when they wanted to go out, despite his reputation of being lazy. Anything was better than spending his days off alone, in Jeonghan’s opinion.

So, being alone while having a mental breakdown was not exactly the most ideal situation for him. While he didn’t have anyone else to blame but himself for what had transpired, he still wished that Jisoo or Seungcheol had stayed, even if they just wanted to berate him. Anything beat sitting in his room, alone, mentally going over everything he had done wrong.

Why had he said that to Seungcheol? Jeonghan himself was appalled by his own behavior; who says that to one of their closest friends? Seungcheol had always been incredibly kind to him, always playing along with his jokes and requests, no matter how embarrassing they were. The older was like a child, always pouting to get his way and playing along with everyone. He was a good friend, a good leader, and Jeonghan had basically invalidated his feelings and relationship with Jisoo because he was jealous. And not only had he hurt his friend, he had also hurt the person who he was desperate to talk to. Jeonghan had managed to fuck up everything, in only a matter of hours, a new record, if he said so himself.

As Jeonghan began to spiral, a knock on his door alerted him that someone was going to barge in at any moment; in their dorm, knocking was only a courtesy, they usually came in anyways if you didn’t expressly say you didn’t want to be disturbed. Jeonghan could only watch as the door opened and their youngest walked in, already blabbering on about something, when he noticed his hyung’s position. His eyes widened before he ran over, talking a mile a minute, “Hyung, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen?” Chan was talking frantically, making Jeonghan want to soothe the younger. When Chan was stressed out, he always got a bit erratic, one of his dead giveaways that he was anxious and needed a cool-down. Seeing his dear dongsaeng like this made the older’s heart clench, especially knowing that he was the cause of it. He tried to open his mouth, to reassure the younger boy, but nothing would come out; Jeonghan couldn’t speak, much to his own confusion.

“Hyung, you need to calm down. Take a few deep breathes, okay? You’re not gonna be able to breathe if you don’t straighten up.” Gently, Chan started to untangle Jeonghan from himself, which Jeonghan hadn’t even noticed he had done. Slowly, the older boy started to realize what the actual situation was; he was currently curled up on the floor of his bedroom, edging on a panic attack after his fight with Jisoo and Seungcheol. Now he could understand why Chan was so concerned when he walked in. Jeonghan began to straighten out his body with Chan’s guidance, trying to calm his rapid heart rate and take a few breaths to clear his mind. He knew that panicking like this was unproductive, but he couldn’t help it.

He was on the cusp of losing two of the most important people in his life. He had just said terrible things to Seungcheol, who only came to talk to him out of genuine concern and care for not only Jisoo, but Jeonghan as well. He knew the elder boy, and he knew that Seungcheol would never want anything to come in between him and Jisoo; yet, he had been the only to scream that the rapper was trying to get in between their friendship and that Jisoo didn’t even really like him from the beginning. He had attacked something that he knew Seungcheol had always felt a bit uneasy about, and he did it with the intent to hurt the older boy. The thought of Seungcheol feeling like his anxieties had come true made Jeonghan’s heart drop, knowing that he would be the cause of that.

And then, Jisoo. Not only had Jisoo heard what he had said to Seungcheol, but Jisoo had said that Jeonghan wasn’t there for his best friend when he needed him. Jeonghan’s mind tried to fill in the blanks, wondering what that could be about; was it still about the fact that they didn’t invite the other vocalist out to eat with them? Or was it something else completely? Jeonghan searched his memory for any times he hadn’t been there for the younger boy, but was unable to come up with anything. In all honesty, he wasn’t aware of any time he hadn’t shown up for his best friend; in his eyes, the other had been avoiding him more and more and it left him confused. He wasn’t sure what he’d been doing wrong or how to fix it, and that’s what made Jeonghan more nervous. If he didn’t even know what the issue was, how was he supposed to fix it? He knew that Jisoo was upset about being left out at times with the unit, according to Seungcheol, but was that really it? But then wasn’t Jisoo leaving him out too when he insisted on talking to Seungcheol about his problems instead of the people he was actually having the issues with, like Jeonghan?

Jeonghan kept mulling over everything in his mind, wondering where he went wrong; was he just not trustworthy enough to talk to? Did Jisoo think that he wouldn’t understand, or that he would dismiss his concerns? Did he just think that Jeonghan wasn’t someone who could have serious discussions? As the questions swirled around in the vocalist’s head, Chan suddenly spoke, snapping Jeonghan out of his daze, “Hyung… is everything okay? What happened, did someone do something?” Te younger’s voice was filled with so much concern, it simultaneously filled and broke Jeonghan’s heart.

“Nothing happened, Channie. No one did anything, I’m fine, don’t worry. I’m sorry, you must’ve been surprised, right?” Jeonghan tried to reassure the younger boy, not wanting to dump his problems on their maknae. He wasn’t sure that i t was a good idea to involve the other members when it was such a personal and serious matter. Chan, however, looked at the older with a deadpanned expression, before reaching out and gently brushing Jeonghan’s cheek, which the vocalist only noticed then was damp.

“If nothing happened hyung,” Chan said, wiping Jeonghan’s tears from one cheek before moving on to the other, “then why are you crying? You don’t have to tell me specifics if you don’t want to, but it might help to talk about your feelings and maybe I can help you with whatever’s upsetting you. You don’t have to solve everything on your own, Jeonghan-hyung. You can ask for help from us too.” The elder boy’s eyes began to water again, Chan’s sweet words soothing a wound he hadn’t even known was there until now. Jeonghan was the type to always try to solve thing by himself, as one of the oldest members. He didn’t want to add onto anyone else’s burden, especially the younger members. It wasn’t fair in his mind to add to their stress when they were younger than him. He also didn’t want to add to Seungcheol’s list of duties; the leader was always fluttering around, busy with anything and everything. He couldn’t add to that list, Jeonghan refused to. He had sometimes attempted to talk to Jisoo about his problems, but lately the two hadn’t done much talking alone. Hearing this type of reassurance, especially from their maknae, was calming for the second oldest.

Jeonghan took a deep breath, slowly explaining as vaguely as he could, “Channie, if you hurt two of the people closest to you, and you’re not even sure how you hurt one of them, what would you do?” He looked at Chan, who was intently listening, making the relic of a smile twitch onto Jeonghan’s face, “I said harsh words to one of my best friends, and the other is mad because of that, as well as for something I’m not even sure of. I deserve their anger, but I just… I miss them. I didn’t want to hurt them, I love them, but now I’ve messed up and I’m sure they don’t want to see me, but I want to fix things. I miss my best friends, not just one of them like i thought I did before. I miss both of them, I want both of them to be around me. I’m sad, and I’m hurt. They have each other to comfort them, but I just… I’m alone. I’m sad, Channie, I’m really sad.” The vocalist whispered his last sentence softly, feeling his emotions settling in his heart and in his bones. He had felt a flurry of emotions when everything had happened: anger, surprise, regret, frustration. Yet now, he only felt sad. He was realizing that not only had he been missing Jisoo the entire time, but a part of him that he hadn’t even been acknowledging had been missing his other best friend. He had been watching the two spend time together and had unknowingly envied both of them for having each other, while he felt alone. When he had lashed out on Seungcheol, he hadn’t done it out of spite, but rather out of hurt that the other had been so concerned for Jisoo’s feelings, but not his.

A few moments of silence passed before Chan spoke hesitantly, “I think that it’s okay for you to be sad, hyung. Even if you hurt them, they hurt you too, so its okay if you’re also upset. I think that you all need to sit down and actually talk about what’s made you all upset and what led up to this point in order for you to genuinely apologize to each other. All of you have done something that upset another, so it’s not like there’s only one person to blame. Yeah, you might’ve caused it to boil over, but if it hadn’t been you, it would’ve been one of them and it could’ve ended worse.” Chan turned to look at his hyung head-on as he spoke, wanting more than anything to get through to the older boy, “There’s no way any of you hate each other. You all might be upset, but there’s no way that this will break your friendship. None of you are quitters, so it’s going to be fine, hyung. Just talk to them, okay? I know that maybe it’s scary cause you think you’re on your own, but you’re not. You have me,hyung, and the other members if you want them. We’ll all help the three of you if you want us to. Never think that you have to solve all your problems by yourself and that you’re not allowed to be upset because you feel like you started this. You got hurt too, so it can’t all be your fault, Jeonghan-hyung.” Chan said, smiling at his teary-eyed member.

The older boy couldn’t help but stare at Chan in awe. How had Chan read him so easily? This boy, who he had always seen as his baby, as someone he had to protect, was able to quickly decipher the situation and comfort him, while also giving him advice. Part of Jeonghan was shocked by his baby’s growth, white the other felt nothing but unadulterated pride and love for the dancer. Chan had truly seen him in that moment; he had seen what his hyung needed and what he needed to hear in order to pick himself up, while also not sugarcoating his words. He had been honest, but also heartfelt and caring with his words. Chan’s ability to be so genuine and to care for him so well and being so considerate of others was something that Jeonghan admired. The younger had a talent for reading people and adapting to fit their mood and to building them up, and it was times like these that Jeonghan felt so grateful for the dancer’s presence.

Jeonghan coughed, clearing his throat before answering, “It’s crazy how much older you’re getting and how you’re able to see right through me. I’m so grateful to have you in the team, Channie. Thank you, for saying all of that. I’m still worried about how everything and how it’ll all work out, because that’s who I am, but I feel a little better about it too. I know that I should rely on you guys more, I just don’t want to add to your burdens. Thank you, for looking out for me, Chan-ah.” The dancer just smiled back, happy that he was able to get through to his hyung, even if only a little.

“Your burdens are our burdens, hyung,” Chan chastised the elder lightly, earning him a slight nudge, “I mean, we’re a team, right? We’re a family, so of course if one person is going through a hard time, we all have to be there for them. Especially now, since it’s the three of you, we’ll be here for all of you, so don’t worry; none of you will be left out, okay?” The caring tone the younger used made Jeonghan misty-eyed, touched by how concerned and kind their maknae was. Chan had figured out that not only was Jeonghan was worried about the members being there for him, but also for the other two. It was times like this that he really had to praise the younger for how smart he was.

Ruffling the shorter boy’s hair, Jeonghan cooed at him, “Ah, what a caring and sweet maknae we have. And so smart too, I didn’t even tell you who it was and you figured it out on your own! Really, we have the best maknae in the world.” The vocalist singsonged, making Chan duck away and scoff, embarrassed but happy with the praise.

“Of course I figured it out, you only would be like this for the members, especially Seungcheol-hyung and Jisoo-hyung. I’m pretty sure they’re the only ones who could get you this upset.” Chan stated, making Jeonghan coo even louder about how smart Chan was. The elder could only agree with the dancer; he was especially emotional about his same-age friends. Chan spoke again after a moment, “Anyways, I think that you should go speak to them before you go to bed, okay? Don’t go to sleep with bad feelings in your heart, hyung, it’s not good for you. Sleep well, okay?” With that, the maknae got up and made his way to the door.

Jeonghan was quick to call out to the dancer, “Thank you Chan, really. You helped me a lot tonight. I’m really grateful. Thank you, for being such a good maknae.” Jeonghan’s words dripped with sincerity, making Chan smile brightly back at the older, before waving as he left the room and closed the door.

After his talk with Chan, Jeonghan felt a lot lighter than he had when Jisoo and Seungcheol had left. Just talking about how he had been feeling and coming to terms with the different emotions and feeling he had had that he wasn’t even aware were there felt so therapeutic. Jeonghan took a few deep breaths, deciding it was best to organize his thoughts before going to speak to his best friends. He knew that Chan was right; he needed to do this before they went to sleep or else he wasn’t going to be able to move on. He also didn’t want to have any bad lingering feelings and wanted to apologize for what he had said and done.

The vocalist slowly rises from his feet, trying not to psyche himself out before he even left his bedroom about the talk that was inevitably going to happen. He could do this, he knew he could. It was Seungcheol and Jisoo, for godssake, they were two of the most rational people he knew and he knew they would both be willing to hear him out and talk about their issues. He just hoped that they would know that he was sincerely sorry about what he had said and prayed that he hadn’t done any major damage to either on them. Jeonghan’s biggest nightmare was to have truly hurt the others in any way, and he was worried that he might’ve done just that tonight.

‘Okay, Jeonghan, stop freaking out,’ the vocalist told himself, ‘You just need to go in there and ask if they can speak with you. It’s fine, you can do this. Seungcheol and Jisoo won’t reject you this time, it’s going to be okay, you just need to be confident enough to take the first step forward.’ As the angel-like member hyped himself up, he made his way to his door, swinging it open, only to be shocked by the sight on the other side of it.

Seungcheol had his fist raised, seemingly to knock on the door, eyes wide as they met Jeonghan’s. Jisoo was next to him, staring with as much shock as Seungcheol was, before snapping out of it and quietly letting out a simple, “Hey.”

Jeonghan only swallowed, feeling wholly unprepared for what was happening; yeah, he was going to go talk to them, but this was different! Why were they here? He quickly added a little “hey” back to Jisoo, not wanting him to think he’s ignoring him.

Jisoo cleared his throat, looking at Seungcheol before staring back at Jeonghan, declaring, “We need to talk to you. Is now good?” Seungcheol just nodded next to him, not saying anything to the second oldest. While it hurt a bit not to hear their leader say anything to him, Jeonghan knew that he was in the wrong for saying such hurtful things to the oldest earlier.

‘Well, it’s now or never.’ Jeonghan thought, as he stepped back and opened the door wider, gesturing his two best friends to come into his room, the scene of the chaos that had happened hours previously.

“Come in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaa we finally saw how jeonghan really feels about everything ;-; I told y'all there's no villains here no one is the bad guy they're all just hurt  
> also we got a little bit of channie!! I feel like channie would be so good at giving advice and I think he's really good at analyzing situations and adapting to people's personalities and moods so I thought this scene would fit him perfectly ^-^ I hope you guys enjoyed his little cameo lol  
> we're gonna get seungcheol and jisoo's perspective next chapter, so don't worry, we aren't going into the big discussion just yet!!  
> if you guys have anything you want to comment on, please leave it down below!! the only thing motivating me to write recently is how much you guys say you enjoy the fic ;-; it truly warms my heart
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui


	6. relationships break, and then are mended back together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol’s mind was blank. Completely and utterly void.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO IM BACK I'm so sorry for disappearing for a while, life has been,,,,,,,, very hectic,,,,,, I honestly didn't know when I would have a chance to write again, and I'm not sure when I will after this either, so I'm sorry for the long waits ;-; I hope that this makes up for it, even a little bit ;-; 
> 
> please enjoy!!

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Seungcheol’s mind was blank. Completely and utterly void.

It wasn’t like he never fought with he other members, or even Jeonghan; the two had gotten into their fair share of arguments before over big and small things. Yet, none of them had ever been so personal or charged before. The two had never argued over a person before, much less their best friend, and used him against each other. Seungcheol had never even heard Jeonghan talk that way in the numerous years they had known each other, even when he was angry. Jeonghan was always calm and collected, and even when he was angry, he never screamed or acted rashly. There was a reason that the team called him their ‘mom’, though the older despised that nickname: he was good at listening to them and nurturing them. Jeonghan had a way about him that made you feel safe, no matter what you were talking about. Anyone would feel comfortable talking to him about anything, which is why the sudden aggression had shocked Seungcheol so much. He had never thought Jeonghan would act that way to any of them, but especially not him, not after years of friendship. And especially not over their mutual best friend.

Jisoo turned to the older male, trying to get his attention when he realized that Seungcheol was completely zoned out, “Hey, Cheollie,” he started, smiling a bit when the rapper startled out of his thoughts, “Are you okay? What happened back there?” He ran his hands up and down Seungcheol’s arms, trying to bring any sort of comfort he could to his friend. While Jisoo had heard part of their argument, and the parts he had heard angered him to no end, he was also aware other things might have been said and wanted to get to the bottom of it. He needed to know why Jeonghan would say what he did, and where this entire situation stemmed from, or else this would damage their relationship forever.

“I-I… I’m not that sure…” Seungcheol said shakily, confusion evident on his face. Noticing his beat friend’s distress, Jisoo was quick to comfort him, pulling the taller boy into a hug and dragging his hand in soothing circles on his back. The vocalist could understand why Seungcheol was so shaken up; since they had met, Jisoo had never seen Jeonghan act the way he was tonight. He had never see him behave so erratically and saying such cruel things. Even though Jisoo wasn’t on the receiving end and Jeonghan had calmed down when he saw him, the younger boy couldn’t help but shiver at the memory.

“Shua…” Seungcheol called out, making Jisoo hum in response, “Do you… was that true? What Jeonghan said? Am I in the way?” Jisoo sucked in a deep breath, heart breaking at the thought of Seungcheol even thinking it was necessary to ask.

He was quick to answer, “Of course not, Cheollie. There’s no way you’d be in the way of anything. The three of us have always been friends, and none of those friendships are more important than the other; no one overrides the others. I love both you and Jeonghan the same. I have no idea what’s gotten into him and why he would say something like that to you, but it’s not true at all. I don’t even think he knew what he was saying.” Jisoo had seen Jeonghan’s face after he slapped him. At first, he just looked shocked from the impact of Jisoo’s hand; however, once he had realized that Jisoo was there, and more importantly, what he had said, the angel’s face had dropped, expression filled with horror at his own words. While Jisoo was still incredibly angry about the whole ordeal, a part of him did feel relieved that it seemed like Jeonghan had almost immediately regretted the words he had spoken. At least then, Jisoo had faith that this could all be sorted out.

But first, he had to comfort Seungcheol, who had been the target of the harsh words, and then figure out what could have triggered such a reaction from Jeonghan.

“Hey, Cheol-ah, it’s okay. Please take a deep breath, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything wrong, please don’t cry.” Jisoo pleaded with the older as he felt his shirt dampen, heart shattering in the process. It absolutely broke him to see his best friend crying, especially since the other rarely cried in front of anyone. Seungcheol was the strong friend; he was their leader, and had to hold them up through any and all highs and lows. He was their main supporter, their backbone, and they wouldn’t be where they were without him. God knows that neither him nor Jeonghan had the authority Seungcheol did with the kids, and only he could command everyone, including the staff and managers, in the room with the amount of charisma and leadership that he did. It was one of the biggest things Jisoo admired about his best friend. He loved seeing Seungcheol lead the team and was in awe at how well he spoke for them and made them heard within the company. So, seeing him so small, so upset destroyed Jisoo.

Seungcheol was quick to wipe his tears, speaking through them as he replied, “I know, I just… it felt like Jeonghan knew exactly what I was insecure about and went for it,” Seungcheol chuckled humorlessly as dread filled Jisoo’s stomach, “When we first met, I thought the same thing. I was worried that neither of you liked me, and even though now we’re all friends, I’ve always worried that I’m just the third wheel between you two. I know you and Jeonghan have a special bond, and I respect that, but it’s hard sometimes, when you both are on the same page at all times and it feels like I’m just a few chapters behind. I wish we could all be together, as one cohesive group, but sometimes it feels like you guys are a duo and I’m the one who dampens the mood.” Seungcheol let out a sigh after he finished, seemingly getting the weight of his confession off his chest. He had been bottling up his feelings for a while now, always brushing off his concerns. He never wanted to start unnecessary drama, so he kept his concerns to himself, letting them fester until Jeonghan had managed to pinpoint and mobilize them.

Jisoo took a moment to collect himself and his thoughts, not wanting to speak rashly and hurt Seungcheol even more; even though he hadn’t been the one to say the words, he was still part of the problem and had some responsibility in helping Seungcheol heal. He reached out, taking Seungcheol’s hands, before stating, “I never didn’t like you, Cheol-ah. Yeah, I’ll admit, I was definitely intimidated by you in the beginning; you were this big trainee who had been with the company for a long time and had even almost debuted, and I was this nobody from America who didn’t speak proper Korean yet. I was nervous and shy and I needed someone to rely on, so I buddied up with Jeonghan, not because we were the same age, but because we came in at the same time. I stuck to him like glue because he made me comfortable and we could rely on each other when we were training because we were going through the same struggles at the same time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to reach out to you for any reason, Cheol. It was just that I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how to talk to you, who was the perfect definition of a trainee. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of you or make you think I was weird.” Jisoo took a deep breath, not wanting to lose steam.

“But then, you reached out to me first. You’re the one who helped me when I was struggling with dancing, and you kindly explained how to do it properly, even when you had your own things to work on. I’ll never forget how grateful I was and how nice I thought you were in that moment. All those thoughts of how intimidating you were immediately came crashing down the second you smiled widely at me when I got the moves right and when you giggled when I got them wrong. Since then, you’re the person I go to when I’m struggling and or when I need advice. You’re the one who gives me comfort and peace of mind when I’m overthinking. No one provides me with the same sense of relief as you do, Cheol-ah. Please don’t ever think that you and Jeonghan are competing. There is no competition, you both are my best friends and I love you both so much. You’ve never been in the way; this is where you belong, right here, with me.” Jisoo squeezed Seungcheol’s hands in his, hoping he was able to convey his feelings well enough that the rapper wouldn’t have any more doubt about their relationship. He noticed tears gathering in Seungcheol’s eyes again and immediately started to panic, worried that he had somehow made it worse.

The leader only laughed lightly, before shaking his head and replying, “You know, for someone who pretends like he doesn’t speak Korean to get out of doing stuff, you really have a wya with words, you know?” Jisoo giggled at that, happy to see Seungcheol smiling again, “Thank you, Shua-yah. I know that I wasn’t the best at being welcoming to new trainees. especially after almost debuting, but you were still really accepting of me. You and Jeonghan have always been there for me, keeping me sane and grounded when I needed it. I’m always grateful for you both, and I love you two so much. I’m sorry that I went to talk to Jeonghan about your problems, I should’ve left it up to you like you asked me to. I was just worried about you and I thought that maybe hearing it from someone else would make Jeonghan understand, but it was obviously the wrong move. I’m sorry for still being an incapable leader, and thank you for always doing your best to hold me together.” Seungcheol smiled, albeit a bit sadly, before squeezing Jisoo’s hands back. Jisoo, however, was not having any of that.

“Okay, first of all, you’re the best leader we could literally ask for and if I ever hear you talk badly about yourself again, it’s on sight,” Seungcheol giggled at that, before Jisoo continued, “Secondly, I knew you would probably talk to Jeonghan anyways. You’re like that; you want to solve problems, especially between the members. I know that you meant no harm by it, and while I would’ve appreciated being able to talk to him on my own, I also appreciate the fact that you wanted to help and that you tried your best to stand up for me. I know you’re always doing your best as the leader, Cheollie. I’m always grateful.” Jisoo pulledtnhe taller boy back in for another hug, which Seungcheol gladly reciprocated, squeezing the American boy in his arms. For a while, the pair just stood there, holding each other and taking soft breathes. It felt nice, almost relaxing, after everything that had happened.

After a while, the two decided to talk about everything that had happened, and to see where it could’ve all gone wrong. They wanted to organize themselves before they went back to talk to Jeonghan, just so there wouldn’t be any surprises or any hurtful words said. Seungcheol explained everything that had happened before Jisoo had arrived, while Jisoo told him of all the issues they had been having and how the two had been drifting apart recently.

“I think that Jeonghan is just feeling lonely, Shua,” Seungcheol said softly, “He probably thinks that you’re getting farther and farther away from him, and it’s scaring him. You know how he is; he hates change. When Wonwoo got sick, he cried for hours out of worry, He doesn’t like not having us all together, but you especially. I think Jeonghan is just feeling anxious about everything and lashed out.” Seungcheol looked at Jisoo, waiting for a reply.

Jisoo sighed, “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m sure he didn’t mean what he said, but I still can’t believe he said it, although I said some hurtful things back, plus I hit him…” Jisoo had almost forgotten about that completely, the stinging in his hand almost gone. He couldn’t believe himself, that he had actually hit his own member. His heart ached at the thought of Jeonghan by himself, cheek bruised and alone after all that had happened. It’s what sparked him to get up, reaching out a hand for Seungcheol to take, albeit confused, “We need to go talk to him, now. I don’t like the idea of him being alone to deal with this. Even though he said terrible things, he shouldn’t be alone right now. I know that you’re still hurt, but can you forgive him enough to go with me to check in on him and to talk to him? So we can all figure this out together?” Seungcheol only smiled at that, before taking Jisoo’s hands and letting the vocalist pull him to his feet.

“I want to check on him too. I hate thinking about him being hurt, I know he hates being alone. Even though I’m hurt, I’m still worried about him. He’s still my best friend, even if he wasn’t acting like it. We need to resolve this as soon as possible anyways, so let’s go to him.” Seungcheol smiled softly, before pulling Jisoo along towards Jeonghan’s room.The pair stood outside, still hand in hand, taking a deep breath before looking at each other. They smiled at each other reassuringly, about to knock on the door with a newfound confidence, when it swung open on its own accord. As the door opened, Seungcheol held his breath, sadness filling his soul as he saw Jeonghan’s red-rimmed eyes and slightly bruised cheek. The younger boy looked wrecked from what had happened, and it hurt Seungcheol to think that this was partially his fault. However, his confidence had gone just as quickly as it had came, feeling a bit awkward in Jeonghan’s presence. He wasn’t necessarily angry, he just didn’t feel like he knew where he stood with the vocalist, and therefore didn’t know how to act.

Meanwhile, Jisoo was just as pained, seeing Jeonghan look so shocked that they had come to speak to him. While he had been incredibly angry before, now he was mostly confused, as well as saddened by what had happened. He didn’t like the three of them being like this; he wanted to go back to when they were all smiling and laughing together. Jisoo could only hope that this talk would be a step in the right direction.

“We need to talk to you, is now a good time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaa cheolsoo makes my heart go *woosh* I love them  
> I really wanted to focus on their relationship and shua building up cheol's confidence this chapter, so I hope you guys liked it ^-^  
> there will be more ot3 content next chapter, so we'll add jeonghan to this lovefest hehe  
> again, there are no bad guys!! only normal boys making normal mistakes and being normal people, we do not believe in bad guys in this house >:(  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please let me know what you think in the comments!! I'm sorry I haven't replied to comments recently, I've really been so swamped with work and life ;-; please forgive me ;-;
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui


	7. we heal each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he sat across for Jeonghan and next to Seungcheol, Jisoo began to wonder how in the world they were supposed to start this conversation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM FINALLY BACK OMG hiiiiiii everyone~ I genuinely wonder if anyone's waiting for this chapter lol but here it is, the final boss 
> 
> I hope you enjoy~

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As he sat across for Jeonghan and next to Seungcheol, Jisoo began to wonder how in the world they were supposed to start this conversation. 

Not once in the five years that they had been together had he once thought that they would end up in a situation like this. The three of them had been close since predebut; even when they did argue, it was only petty bickering and would usually reside in a few hours. In situations where all of the members got into arguments, the trio usually were on the same side, even when things got heated. They knew how to control themselves, especially in front of the kids. The oldest members were aware that if they got into big fights in front of the others, it would only lead to unrest among the younger kids. Jisoo had always made it a point to hold his tongue in front of the kids when Seungcheol and Jeonghan were brawling it out, not only to avoid siding with one of his best friends, but also so he would be able to help diffuse any situation that arose. Therefore, being in this type of predicament was uncharted territory for the 95 liners. Not only had they had a huge argument, but there were ‘sides’ so to speak, and Jisoo hated it. He hated seeing how small and fragile Jeonghan looked across from him, almost expecting to be yelled at again. Seeing his best friend look so frail pained Jisoo, and by the look on Seungcheol’s face, it hurt him as well. 

Clearing his throat, Seungcheol was the first to speak up, “So, I guess we should just talk about what led us to this point. Let’s first agree not to get upset with each other while we’re talking about our feelings, because all of our feelings are valid. Let’s also agree that we’re not going to interrupt each other, just so no one gets sidetracked or feels like they’re not being heard.” Seungcheol had a very diplomatic look on his face, causing Jisoo to chuckle. Leave it to their leader to act like a leader even in this type of situation. 

Jeonghan seemed to share Jisoo’s thoughts, also giggling from across him. Jisoo’s eyes snapped up to look at the older boy, sadly noting that the other’s smile disappeared almost immediately when he caught his friend looking at him. Meanwhile, Seungcheol seemed confused as to why the others were giggling at him, almost whining a complaint, before Jisoo reached out to hold the other’s hand and squeeze it, giving him a reassuring smile. The rapper smiled back, before turning his attention to Jeonghan, who seemed to be cowering even more under the gazes of his two best friends and the alliance they seemed to have. Realizing what the other was thinking, Jisoo quickly reached out one of his hands to hold Jeonghan’s. The angel flinched initially, shocked that Jisoo would even agree to touch him, given the circumstances. However, seeing the gentle smile on Jisoo’s face and the reassuring nod of hid leader, the vocalist slowly put his hand in Jisoo’s holding it tightly. Jisoo continued to smile at his best friend, before speaking, “Okay, why don’t I start? I think I’m the focal point of this whole argument, so let’s see if I can clear some things up.” Jisoo took a deep breath, wanting to collect his thoughts and make sure he didn’t say anything that could intentionally hurt the other boys. 

“I think where this started for me was with the vocal team. At first, there were just small incidents where I felt like I was being overlooked or forgotten about. I tried not to let it bother me in the beginning, especially because I knew you guys meant no harm by it and I know that the kids just get excited. Part of it was my fault too, for not speaking enough or for letting the others talk over me instead of standing my ground. I thought it wouldn’t progress any farther than that, so I just let it go. I didn’t want the kids to feel bad, and I didn’t want to make a big deal out it, because it wasn’t a big deal. At least, not at first.”

“When you guys forgot me on that program, it really hurt. I was really embarrassed, and it felt really apparent that maybe I wasn’t as important to the vocal team as the rest of you guys. And I know that we’re all important to Seventeen and we’re all friends, but in that moment, I felt super out of place and I didn’t know how to react. So, I did what I always did and laughed it off. But after that, I started to notice it more. I started to pay attention to when I was being ignored or forgotten and it really started to bother me. I never brought it up to any of you because I wasn’t sure how without making you all feel really guilty. I didn’t want any of you to get hurt, so when I was upset about it, I just told Seungcheol. I know I should have told you guys instead of ranting to someone else, but I didn’t know what else to do besides rant to my best friend.”

Jisoo made sure to look into Jeonghan’s eyes as he said the next part, “I know I’ve been kind of distant with you Jeonghan, and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t know how to talk to you about what I was feeling, and I’m sorry if I hurt you. I thought you would get hurt from me telling you my feelings, and I didn’t want that, but I’m sure I must’ve hurt you by avoiding you as well. I’ve just been feeling really upset about what’s been happening, and what happened tonight was the last straw for me. I was so hurt seeing you guys go out without me, and even though I tried to be rational about it, the little voice in my head kept saying that you guys sent me home early on purpose so I wouldn’t come, and I just felt really alone. Part of me knows that you guys wouldn’t exclude me like that, but the other part of me just sees the pattern of what’s been going on can’t help but think that this is your way of telling me that I don’t belong here. I want to belong with you guys and hang out with everyone, but sometimes it’s so hard when it feels like I’m an outsider to the group I’m supposed to be in.” Jisoo couldn’t help the few tears that slid down his cheeks as he finished, relief washing over him as he released all the feelings he had kept pent up inside. However, the relief disappeared as quickly as it came as he saw the devastated look on Jeonghan’s face.

The troublemaker looked heartbroken after hearing Jisoo’s confession. Not once had Jeonghan thought that his best friend was so bothered by what was happening in the vocal team. He had always thought that Jisoo was happy and comfortable in their unit, as was always happy to be sharing a unit with the other. He, as well as the rest of the vocal team, thought that Jisoo was an essential part of their unit and their dynamic, and not once had they questioned Jisoo’s place with them, so to hear that Jisoo himself felt like a misfit with them deeply upset Jeonghan. While he had thought that he was helping his unit and making it better, it seemed that he did nothing to help Jisoo feel at ease with them and make him feel like he had a place in their team. 

Jeonghan collected himself for a minute, before responding, “I had no idea you felt that way. I’m so sorry that I never helped you when you needed it, and that I contributed to making you feel left out. There’s no way in hell that the kids and I wanted you to feel that way or thought that you didn’t fit in with us. You’re an important member of Seventeen, Shua, and an important member of the vocal unit. We never meant to leave you out; tonight’s outing was a pure coincidence. Jihoonie saw a restaurant he wanted to try while we were walking home and convinced us to go in. We didn’t invite you because it was such a spur of the moment decision, and I didn’t think you would want to come out again when we had just sent you home and you were probably getting ready for bed. I should’ve asked you anyways, and for that, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to make you feel like you didn’t belong in the unit, and I’m so sorry that I did.” By the end of it, there were tears dribbling down Jeonghan’s face, breaking both Jisoo’s and Seungcheol’s heart. Seeing Jeonghan cry was a devastating sight, and it made them both hurt seeing how upset the other was getting.

Gently, Seungcheol nudged the angel, trying to get him to speak, “Why don’t you tell us what’s been going on with you, Jeonghan? It’s not just about me, is it?” Jeonghan was quick to shake his head. 

The middle child took a breath, looking at Seungcheol first before speaking, “First off, you have to know that I never thought you were getting in the way, Cheollie. I didn’t mean what I said at all, and I’m so sorry that I said it at all. I’m so sorry I hurt you of all people because I was jealous.” Seungcheol gave him a confused but kind look at the mention of jealousy, but Jeonghan soldiered on, “I was jealous when I saw how close you and Jisoo have been lately, compared to the way we’ve been. We weren’t really talking, and it felt like Shua was shutting me out a little bit, and I just felt… lost. I didn’t know what to do to fix it cause I wasn’t sure what I did wrong. I knew that the incident on that program upset Shua, but I didn’t know that it bothered him this much. I was trying to get more involved in the vocal unit recently cause I know that sometimes Jihoonie gets stressed out with how loud the kids are, so I wanted to help him out. I didn’t realize that I was making the problem worse and I was making you feel so bad, Shua-yah. About tonight… I’m sorry for everything I said. You didn’t deserve that, Cheol-ah. I was being defensive when you came in cause I knew that Shua had talked to you about what was upsetting him and not me. After I got rejected when I tried to talk to him, I got really upset and I was being petty. Seeing the two of you go off to talk and unwind together made me feel really left out, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I thought you two were leaving me behind, and I hated it. I shouldn’t have said that our problems didn’t involve you, Seungcheol-ah. Of course they involve you and everyone else; we’re all a team. But I was so upset that you seemed to be closer to Shua than I was that I said some really hurtful things that I didn’t even mean.” 

At this point, Jeonghan turned to Seungcheol and held both his hands, looking into his eyes to convey his feelings and conviction, “I didn’t mean anything I said. You don’t get in the way or between Shua and I. You’re our friend too, our best friend and what I said was really uncalled for. I don’t think that I know Shua better, because that’s not true at all; we’re both his friends and it shouldn’t be a contest, and I’m sorry that I made it into one. There’s no part of me that wants to hurt you or to make you feel left out of our friendship, and I’m so sorry if I did. I’m sorry for leaving you both out, when neither of you deserved that. I’m sorry that I was so petty and upset that I said horrible things to you and made you feel awful, when you didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry that while I was trying to defend myself and Shua, I turned on you and hurt you. I’m really really sorry, Cheollie-“ Jeonghan’s voice broke towards the end, making his friend’s heart’s ache. Finally, Seungcheol couldn’t take it anymore and pulled the younger into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around the other as he sobbed. No part of Seungcheol wanted this; he never wanted to see Jeonghan cry and hurt over words he said and obviously didn’t mean. No matter how much Jeonghan hurt him, there was no place in Seungcheol’s heart that could hurt the other back. 

“Hannie, calm down please. It’s okay. It’s alright, okay? Please stop crying so hard, I promise I’m fine now.” Seungcheol tried to soothe his friend, but Jeonghan wasn’t having it.

The vocalist shook his head as he replied, “No, it’s not okay. I know I hurt you when I said that, I saw the look on your face. I know that I can’t take back what I said, but I’m so sorry that I ever said it.” Jeonghan trembled in Seungcheol’s arms, worrying the older boy greatly. Jisoo was quick to try and comfort his best friend as well, not wanting the angel to spin himself into a panic attack. 

“Hannie, please, it’s okay. I’m not mad anymore either, so please calm down. Take a deep breath, okay? I know you must be feeling terrible about what happened and you must feel so guilty about it, but that’s not why we’re telling you, Jeonghan-ah. We’re not telling you now to hurt your feelings; we’re telling you so we can understand each other and let our anger subside so we can go back to being friends again. So please, don’t be upset Jeonghan. Neither of us are upset anymore, so please don’t worry. After hearing what you said, I was wrong too. I need to apologize to you as well.” Jisoo pet the older boy’s head, smiling as he saw the other pull his face out of Seungcheol’s chest. The angel gave Jisoo a confused look, before Jisoo continued, “I was wrong for making you feel left out and not talking to you about my feelings. I didn’t’ even stop to think how talking only to Seungcheol about my problems would make you feel. You’re not just a member of the vocal team; you’re also my best friend, and we shouldn’t keep things from each other. I’m sorry for making you feel left out, Hannie. That was never my intention and I would never want you to feel like you couldn’t come talk to me when you needed to. I didn’t realize how much you were trying to help not only me, but the kids as well. I’m sorry for not thinking about you too, Jeonghan-ah.” 

Jisoo smiled softly at his fellow vocalist, who seemingly had calmed down while he was talking. Pleased with Jeonghan’s more stable state, he turned to Seungcheol and continued, “I already told you this, but I want to tell you again: you’re my best friend too. There was never a time that you were in the way or I didn’t like you. You’ve always done so much for me and I’m always grateful for you and your friendship. Thank you for always trying your best and listening to me when I needed you.” Seungcheol looked at him with wide eyes, obviously not expecting Jisoo to say anything to him after their talk before. His look of shock morphed into a mix of happiness and bashfulness as Jisoo spoke, making Jisoo feel pleased with himself. 

Jeonghan was quick to speak up after, “You’re my best friend too, Cheol-ah. Thank you for always going along with my jokes and not getting mad when we prank you. You’ve always been here to listen to me and play with me, and I’m really grateful to you as well.” Jeonghan felt the arms around him tighten and relaxed into it as he closed his eyes. He felt incredibly safe and warm in Seungcheol’s hold, wanting to stay there forever if he could. 

“Well, I guess all that’s left is me,” Seungcheol said, clearing his throat as the younger boys nodded at him and watched him intently, “I’m not sure that I had a major part in this but I want to give my thoughts on the whole thing. I saw how upset Shua was getting over being forgotten in the vocal team and it made me really upset too. I wanted to say something so badly to you guys, but Shua didn’t want me to, so I never did. If I could go back in time, I would’ve told you guys, so it would have never gotten to this point. I’m sorry for failing you guys, as your leader.” Jeonghan and Jisoo tried to cut in, to reassure Seungcheol that it wasn’t his fault, but the rapper just smiled and held a hand up, motioning for them to let him finish.

“I could see that Shua was upset about what was happening, but I could also see that you weren’t okay either, Jeonghan-ah. I should’ve known that something bigger was going on and called you both out on it. We’re all friends, and as your friend, I should’ve checked in on you too and seen if something was going on on your end as well. I’m not going to lie; what you said before did hurt. I used to be insecure about my place in our trio, if I’m honest. I mean, you two joined Pledis together while I had been there for years. I didn’t know how to talk to you guys, especially when you were already so close. But it’s different now. I haven’t been insecure about that in a long time. After we debuted, we all got close and we all became best friends and I was so happy for it. I’m so happy that I have the two of you, no matter how different we are. There are things that I can’t tell anyone but you two, and I’m grateful to have the connection we have. So while yes, I was hurt when you first said that, Jeonghan-ah, I’m not anymore. I know that you didn’t mean it, and that you only said it because you were upset. I promise, I’m okay now and we’re okay. I know I have a place with you two, and that’s all I could ever want.” Seungcheol smiled gently at his two best friends, who smiled, albeit a bit teary, back at him. The eldest member reached out and pulled Jisoo into his arms, earning a yelp from the vocalist and a giggle from Jeonghan. 

The trio sat in each other’s arms, basking in the warmth and the gentle lull that had fallen over them for some time, enjoying the quiet. The tense, stressed atmosphere had disappeared, leaving a calm aura in its place. The same-aged friends’ eyes began to shut at the calm they felt, suddenly sleepy after all the mayhem. It was Jisoo who broke the silence, “Maybe we should all go to sleep now. We still have practice tomorrow.” At the mention of practice, Jeonghan moaned, causing Seungcheol and Jisoo to giggle. The American ruffled the disgruntled vocalist’s hair, adding, “Let’s get up and go to sleep, huh? The kids will be upset if we’re the last ones awake.” An idea then popped into Seungcheol’s head, causing him to bounce up and down like a child as he spoke. 

“What if we have a sleepover? We can all sleep on the floor together!” Seungcheol beamed at the vocalists, making them laugh at his cute antics. 

“Awh, are you gonna be lonely tonight, Cheollie? You wanna cuddle?” Jeonghan teased, making the puppy-like rapper pout at him. Jeonghan just continued to giggle, pleased that he had successfully teased the older, before giving in, “But sure, let’s do it. It’ll be fun, like old times.” 

Jisoo was quick to agree as well, “Yeah, it’ll be like when we were trainees again.” After Jisoo’s agreement, the trio were quick to make a bed for themselves on the floor, piling blankets and pillows high and wide. After getting comfortable, they instantly snuggled up together, Seungcheol smack in the middle, as Jeonghan explained “you’re the warmest, Cheollie, so you have to be in the middle of Shua and I will freeze to death and steal all the covers.” Seungcheol quickly agreed, glad to have both of them to cuddle with. 

As the boys laid down together, they began to reminisce on the old days, smiling and laughing about their predebut and early debut antics. Slowly, they began to drift off, one by one until Jisoo was the only one awake. Noticing that the others had already fallen asleep, he said a little prayer, wishing for it to come true. 

“I hope that the three of us can stay like this forever, and that we can stay as best friends forever. I hope that we never hurt each other again, but if we do, we always end up like this.” As he finished his prayer, he turned to look at his best friends and smiled, whispering, “I love you two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anddddddd we did it!! finally, we've made it, this took me so long to hash out and to figure out where to go so it doesn't overlap with my other fics but I think it's okay now ^-^  
> I wanted to give all their perspectives on the fight, even cheol who wasn't a big player in this fic until later on, so I hopw you guys liked that  
> I'm also sorry for how long it's taken me to update, I got a new job recently and a kitten, so all my time is currently taken up by those two things hehe  
> the next chapter is just going to be an epilogue to wrap everything up, but I'm honestly not sure when that'll be posted so if you wanna just leave it here, feel free to!! the next chapter may have a little guest appearance from channie though ^-^  
> let me know what you thought in the comments!! I always appreciate it ^-^
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui

**Author's Note:**

> the lesson here is that shua deserves better and better is seungcheol (there are no romantic pairings in this fic but there are in my heart)  
> I feel like this definitely isn't as good as I wanted it to be but honestly my brain hasn't been working in quarantine so this is all I can produce I'm sorry y'all  
> on another note, the junhui fanfest is posting right now, so please check out the wen junhui tag to see all the amazing works!! maybe you'll be able to spot mine hehe  
> I'm also going to be working on another chapter of my 96 line fic soon, so if you're looking forward to that, I hope you'll like it!!  
> as always, leave any comments/criticisms down below, it really has been making these sad days inside so much better ^-^ and stay safe inside y'all!!
> 
> twt: littlekittenhui


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